John's New Drabble Collection
by JVM-SP150
Summary: Short form drabbles and oneshots featuring "South Park" characters, ranging from the serious and dramatic to the silly and ridiculous! Pairings nclude Red/Kevin, Stan/Kenny, and more to come! Coming up next - Craig/Tweek !
1. Bleeding (Kevin x Red)

_Author's Note:_ After a long hiatus from this sort of thing, I'm back to my favorite thing to do - short form drabbling and oneshotting, so once again, every drabble in this set will be a short drabble featuring _South Park_ characters. Some will be more dramatic and some more funny - and unlike my other drabble collection, this is all going to be new stuff.

Friends are welcome to make requests, just remember they might take a while, and no original characters here yet. Once I've done several of these, I may change my mind. :)

I chose to start off with my favorite couple, as it's the one you're all most likely to read before going on. I've always loved these two dorks together, and it's hard to believe now they're canon, too! A special thanks to Rachel (Mad_Cow5678) for the theme recommendation, and Blame Canada for helping me figure out the right ending.

~John

 _Disclaimer:_ I am not the current owner of South Park, and these characters are the legal property of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, as well as Comedy Central. Don't sue me.

 **South Park**

" **Bleeding"**

A **Revin (Kevin Stoley x Red)** Drabble

 _by John_

"Oh shit, are you bleeding?"

Kevin Stoley sat up on the ground, surrounded by his two closest friends as Red covered her mouth, her green eyes wide in terror, her fiery red locks blowing in the wind, while a few feet away, the blonde bowl-cut framed Bradley's face as he covered his eyes. "N-no, I'll be fine." Kevin insisted, trying to get up.

"Dude, don't be stupid." Red rolled her eyes,

"Sorry, I-I thought- I mean, I wasn't *aiming* for you face, I just thought-" Bradley wasn't sure how to explain himself or what had happened. He was kind of stuck. "You won't tell my folks about this will you?"

Kevin tried to get up again, "It's okay, dude, hang on, let me just-"

"Stay there. You're doing it all wrong." Red kneeled down by Kevin before he could get on his feet, moved one hand toward Kevin's chin, a moment that made him raise an eyebrow, before moving the other to the top of his head and pulled his head forward over the ground.

"Is it safe to look?" Bradley called out nervously.

"Be more careful next time, jeez." Red called over to Bradley a bit snippily, before lowering her voice, "Your nose is bleeding. Try to lean forward and let it bleed a little. If you pull back, the blood just seeps into your throat." she warned.

"R-right..." Kevin mumbled, keeping his head in position, "Th-thanks."

"Don't mention it." Red quipped quickly like it was nothing, before turning over to Bradley, "Run in the house and grab us some paper towels or something, jeez. Make yourself useful." she quipped, having no patience right now for Bradley's relative lack of action.

"Yes, ma'am!" Bradley saluted and ran towards the house to get something to help with the wound.

"You'll be fine in a few minutes." Red advised, staying right there kneeling by him, eyes narrow, "Just try to relax and breathe, okay?" she replied, lowering her voice. "Think about flowers or butterflies or rainbows or lightsabers or whatever. Just chill out."

"Right." Kevin mumbled out, but he wasn't feeling too tense at this point. Her confident direction was a little relaxing at this point, but hell, she seemed like the one who was tense.

"Where are those paper towels, Bradley?" Red called out.

"R-right here." Bradley approached, holding an entire roll of paper towels, "I came back as fast as I could. How many do we need?"

"Just ball one up or two and stuff it under Kevin's nose, okay?" she advised, "Absorb the blood until the bleeding stops. He didn't break your nose, did he, Kev?"

"N-no, it's fine..." Kevin replied, voice low, as Bradley approached and gave her a paper towel. The red-haired girl let go of his face and balling up a towel for under his nose.

"It's not as comfortable for this kind of thing as toilet paper, but that would've taken more explanation. Speed's a factor." she told him quickly, "Just think of something relaxing for a bit, okay?"

Kevin didn't quite hear her, distracted for the moment, noticing the way her eyes looked back at him, narrowed and serious, deep green, as if the situation was dangerous, the way her silky red hair fell over her shoulders carelessly, without her usual careful attention, the way the sunlight framed her face...

"Are you in your happy place?" she asked, her voice almost distant in the wind.

Kevin wasn't sure if he knew how to tell her that he felt like he was already there.

 **The End**


	2. Make a Wish (Stan and Princess Kenny)

_Author's Note:_ Special thanks to Rachel (Mad_Cow5678) for the request!

 **South Park:**

" **Make a Wish"**

A **Ranger Stan Marshwalker & Princess Kenny** Drabble

 _by John_

She waited, seething, blooming. The Princess lightly pet the rat perched on her shoulder, running her fingers through its soft fur. Her pets would wait, but this conversation could not, she knew it.

The warrior returned from battle, a crack running in his blue warrior's helmet as he looked at the floor, disarmed and humiliated. His canine familiar had returned to the elves to report his capture but for now, he was at the mercy of the two human barbarians pulling him to see their glorious leader, the Princess.

"Heh, this prisoner's gay, heh."

"Heh, yeah, totally gay."

"Silence, knights. Where is the Warrior's sword?" she asked, eyes narrowing at them quickly. The two knights, Fosse and Bill, exchanged confused glances, before the knight with the full head of oily, unkempt hair stepped forward, chuckling instinctively as he handed her the finely-crafted wooden sword. "Thank you. Wait outside."

The two knights looked at each other and shrugged, exiting the throne room as promised, or rather, going through the screen doors of the residence, leaving the two alone, but within viewing distance to make sure the warrior did not escape. "H-hey, you want a coke or somethin'?" Bill asked Fosse as they seemed to be on break in the kitchen.

Back in the wilderness of the Princess' Castle, she stared down her prisoner, "So, we meet again."

"So we do." the warrior protested defiantly, "Still letting those two lunkheads do your bidding, Princess Kenny?"

The Princess chuckled, stringing a few fingers through her blonde locks before flipping them, "In these desperate times, a true lady can only afford to get her hands dirty when she needs to." she let out a giggle, "Not that you might know about such a thing, Ranger."

"Of course I know. I'm the one who forged the alliance between the Elven Kingdom and the Amazons, wasn't I?" the warrior protested, "I have known many women."

"Tsk tsk, but an Amazon warrior is no lady." the Princess replied, "A true lady doesn't need silly armor, for a true lady is a skilled enough warrior to need none when she's drawn into battle. It certainly helps her look fabulous when she interrogates her prisoners."

"I don't care what you think." he protested, "You may be the rightful Princess by birth, but you run a kingdom of human barbarians, without morality or democracy to guide you. We elves have a grand library of knowledge, and elect our leaders. We're refined. More human than you are."

"Some humans don't truly know what's good enough for them until strong men and beautiful women tell them so." the Princess replied, relishing the conversation now, "Those are strong words from someone without such pointy ears himself, Ranger Marshwalker."

A blush crossed the warrior's face, "Don't-"

"Do the elves know you're a blood traitor, Stan?" a devilish grin crossed her face, "A human by birth, of course, raised by elves, but certainly no elf himself. The bravest warrior they say, but only because his human blood allows him to be the barbarian he was born to be, pledged to fight for his King to prove his loyalty." she shook her head, "Pathetic." she let out another laugh that seemed to evoke a more genuine surprise from the warrior.

"You'll never win this fight, Princess." he insisted, "There are things about the elves you don't understand, that you underestimate..." a catchier phrase seemed on the tip of his tongue, but refused to present itself.

"I know a lot more about elves than you understand, child." she replied, interrupting him without flinching, "I can relate in some ways, being an outsider, being seen as a traitor to your cause..." she remembered the screams of her parents' murder at the hands of barbarians and elves alike, "No matter. Stories for another time." One day, the Stick of Truth would belong to her and nobody else...

The Princess turned, "You are my prisoner, but... I will defer to custom and offer you that which is offered to all human barbarians slated for execution, even blood traitors." she replied, her devious smirk shining in the darkening sky, " You may make one wish, and I will do my best to grant it."

"Make a wish?" Ranger Marshwalker looked up to the sky, and then back at the Princess, breathing in, "I suppose then, if you are willing to grant any request, I can only ask for... a kiss from the fairest maiden in all of the land."

Fanning herself, the Princess grinned, "Oh, well, if that is indeed your last request, I surely have no choice but to grant it." she approached slowly, "Given I am, of course, the fairest maiden in ALL of the land."

"Oh, surely. No one could rival your beauty, fair Princess." he insisted, stepping closer, holding his head forward. The Princess looked at the soft skin of his cheek, cupping it in her gloved hand, then brought her face forward for a gentle kiss on the lips.

Stan's eyes widened a moment, not having fully expected this, but he shut his eyes for a moment before the Princess pulled away so tantalizingly quickly, letting out a giggle, "Was that a worthwhile last request before your execution?"

"...kisses restore full health and mana, remember Kenny?" Stan grinned, tossing away his restraints, drawing the sword he had retrieved from her hand during their kiss, and dashing away towards the fence.

The Princess turned angrily toward the screen doors, "Bill? Fosse? What the fuck!?"

Fosse hiccuped from his soda can, "Heheh, I dared Bill to drink pop rocks and coke, and now he's stuck in the bathroom, heheh, his stomach's gonna explode." the Princess tapped her foot, and the barbarian rubbed the back of his neck, "What?"

 **The End**

 _Author's Note:_ I tried to be very careful here to use the Zaron setting to craft dramatic tension without breaking the mythology established in the associated episodes and game, which isn't necessarily consistent in and of itself... while also never losing sight of the kids playing the game. Layers of canon and layers of story.

For the record, the name Ranger Stan Marshwalker is from the game, somewhere.


	3. Daddy (Token and Tweek)

_Author's Note:_ Special thanks to Edo Elric for this request!

 **South Park:**

" **Daddy"**

A **Tweek & Token** Drabble

 _by John_

"Nngh, so what's the problem again?" asked Tweek, the blonde-haired boy twitching marvelously as he sat across the table, handing Token a frappucino. The coffee shop had just enough customers he let a frapp disappear unnoticed, not that he made a habit of it.

"It's my dad. You know how he is." Token explained, sighing, "He thinks I should grow up and try to become a rap artist, instead of trying to become a leading figure in the entertainment industry. He doesn't think my production company is going to go anywhere." he shook his head, resting a hand on his cheek.

"M-maybe you should try to talk to him. I mean h-he seems like a nice guy." Tweek explained nervously, sipping his own mug of coffee.

"I don't know, man." Token sighed, "It's like, he wished he'd done something different with his life, and I know he doesn't want me to make the same mistake, but I'd rather be behind the camera, you know? Like Craig."

"H-here, Token, l-let's try this. Talk to me, and p-pretend I'm your dad." Tweek explained, "You're a confident guy, you can handle this." he explained, trying to smile, although from the jittery boy, the half-hearted smile didn't quite fit what was intended.

"All right, here goes..." Token sighed, turning around, breathing in, and then turning back around, "Uh... daddy, can I talk to you?"

"Whoa, what the fuck?"

Token turned to see Craig, Clyde and Jimmy standing in the doorway to the coffee shop, with Craig looking incredulous in particular. Token jumped out of his seat, "Look guys, I can explain, I know this probably seems really weird."

"Oh, n-no, we totally understand. R-right fellas?" Jimmy asked, stifling a chuckle as he looked to Clyde and Craig.

"Jimmy, if Tweek's his father, then..." Clyde, a chubby boy in red and blue, looked both ways, cupping the side of his mouth and whispering, "Why is he black?"

Craig ignored Jimmy, addressing Token directly, "Look Token, whatever you're into, I can respect that, but why do you have to bring Tweek into it?"

The blonde blushed, twitching again and putting his hands in his hair. "What?" Token raised an eyebrow, "I don't-"

"Gah! It's not like that!" Tweek pulled on his hair.

"Yeah, and the least you could do is explain when and how Tweek fucked your mom." Clyde crossed his arms, "That's against the Bro Code."

"W-w-well, if he had s-s-sex with Token's mom first, then doesn't that mean b-becoming his friend later is the real p-problem?" Jimmy pointed out.

"Yeah, then it wouldn't be a violation of the Bro Code, because they weren't bros yet." Craig explained, "But calling your friend's on-and-off-boyfriend 'daddy' is against the Bro Code for sure!" he said angrily.

"I-I'm not Token's dad, Jesus Christ." Tweek twitched, putting his hands on the side of his head, "Gah, this is too stressful. I-I gotta go clean something in back." he disappeared behind a curtain to let his mind relax again.

"Well, wait, hang on, I'm confused still." Clyde interrupted, "Why did Craig date Token's Daddy?"

Craig looked at Clyde, "Clyde, that's not what this is about." he said, getting exasperated, "Token isn't Tweek's actual dad."

"I know, Tweek is Token's Daddy, haven't you been paying attention?" Clyde asked.

Craig sighed, "Look Token, I know me and Tweek aren't a thing right now, but you calling him 'daddy' is seriously weird, and I don't appreciate you stressing him the fuck out, okay?" he crossed his arms.

"I wasn't sressing him out until you guys came in here!" Token said, "He was trying to help me through a serious problem, and told me to pretend he was my dad for just a second, okay? Do you understand now? It's not what it seems like."

"Oh, I guess that makes sense." Craig replied with a shrug.

"Y-yeah, for sure." Jimmy nodded, letting a moment of awkward silence pass, "Well, T-Token, now that everything's resolved, aren't you gonna... go get your d-daddy?" Jimmy asked with a grin, with Craig and Clyde both chuckling.

Token pinched the bridge of his nose, "Godammit, you guys." he shook his head and went into the back room to find Tweek to corroborate the story.

"So Tweek definitely isn't Token's real father?" Clyde asked with a whisper. Craig chuckled again,

"No, dude."

"So... Tweek's just kinky like that?" Clyde asked, "Did he ever do anything like that to you?" Clyde watched Craig's eyes widen, "Why are you looking at me like-" Token's frappucino was suddenly splashed all over Clyde's shirt, "Jesus, ow!"

"Stop pretending, Clyde, nobody is this stupid." Craig shook his head.

Jimmy observed Clyde covered in the frappucino, and Craig's crossed arms, and with his eye for comedy, chuckled, "Looks like somebody's got a l-l-lawsuit on their hands."

 **The End**

 _Author's Note:_ I was told " _I'm gonna request one where Token calls Tweek Daddy and all the guys take it out of context._ " I hope all of my readers feel I answered that call.


End file.
